I am but, only human. When I read news letters from friends on doulos, I feel that im living life so superficially. Worrying about stupid things, thinking stupid thoughts. Ive only ever been on one mission trip in my entire life, but that mission trip has changed so many things in my life. My view of God, my expectations of life, why I think the way I do sometimes, and what I want my life to be about. God’s far too important just to think he's only in a book, or leave him in a box and label it ‘supreme diety’. do we really think God's something we pack neatly into closets, take him out when winter comes, im cold, tired, and dready, GOD now, i need u to cover me. is that really it? just only take him out when the season of need comes.

Days like these I find myself regretting that that’s exactly how ive walked on by in life. im only really aware of God when things go wrong, or when things are seriously way beyond my control. Its not about doing quiet time everyday anymore, sometimes, I live my life so bored, doing nothing, when I can be doing so many things for Jesus. i really get bored so easily and when im bored, im living for nothing. really.

3 years ago, when we were out there in the mission fields, serving a school by cleaning up rubble from construction, I really wanted to call home to begg my parents to let me postpone school for 2 years. And I will go to uni after. I already made my decision to stay for 2 years though I was on the ship for only 2 days. I remember it all so well.

But God had so much to do in me. God’s timing’s always perfect. He’s never ever late, or never ever early. His timing is always- just right. Its been 3 years since my stay on doulos, and I remember it like it was yesterday. Ive never felt more purpose to life, and never felt that there was just so much to do in this world. there's was just SO MUCH to live for! everyday! you meet him, you walk with him, you fail without him, and you know this life's just about him. I always think back to my conviction i had on that ship and wonder, how now, would I really go back on my love after uni! Would I really? What about money? Don’t I need to provide for my parents. Don’t I need to start earning money back for all ive wasted, or spent? Don’t I need to be more responsible? And when that time comes, I know God would speak, and if its go, he'll make it all alright! for now, I just pray I’ll stop wasting my time. These 2.5 more years in Melbourne, im sure ive got a lot to do!

And im still right at the beginning. Teach me God! Whatever you put your hands on to do, do it to the best of excellence.