i was wondering; if this had been our generation,
if sports was a valued thing when we were in kindergarten,
would we have turned out different



i know i srsly dont look that part now. i dont act that part. i've even lost all my strife. given in to all the pains, laziness and dissappointment that i can never ever be as good as i was before (without training) so why bother. srsly it took SO MUCH to maintain, and just a year or two in aussie and BOOMS hello my lazy mind. i know its v dissappointing. everytime driel calls to go running i cringe, because i dont understand why im so laoya now! i was v ): when col louis and guo were v hahaha cynical abt me running 9k in 45 mins. then they ask my 2.4 timing and i say 9-10mins and they say i stole rubber bands ):

BOO MAN.

but getting there was tough ass okay. sweat blood. suicide runs. tears on court when my coaches were constantly screaming at us. star jumps as punishments- and that was the LEAST of it yet i almost tore my tight muscle and i couldnt walk for months. and my muscle there's v funny now. it cramps real quick now and i always get butt cramps but everybody just think im weird ): BOO! i also crashed into my senior's chin while jumping for a ball,and my specs smashed into my face 1cm away from my eye in my first year and the doc said it was a real miracle that i didnt go blind. i have broken bones/tendons/ligaments/backbones i walk funny have funny fingers and im proud of them. when i was at a friend's 21st here, her question was how many scars on my body do i have. like major scars.

and i was thinking wads a major scar? and someone said the kind tt got alot of blood. then i thought to myself, say if i had 20, minimum, then maybe she has 15? and the answer was like ZERO. i was like WHAT?! how can anybody not have scars//!

i remember when we were in year 1 and our coaches were choosing our captains and my teammates were like : mooda if ure the captain u'll be the bloodiest captain on earth. (: i remember i was always the one bleeding somehow! days like those i always came home making the whole house stink of dettol cos daddy always said that dettol- kills bacteria and heals faster! (:

YAR! i rmb yuyu CONSTANTLY spraining her ankle to the point where she actually forgets which ankle she's sprained, and estboob sprains her frickin ankle, and in 5 mins she's up in court alr. i rmb the toughness that came with the game, and the adrenaline rush, and everything we'd do for it. i rmb once smth happened during a match and the pole fell on yuyu and it was the first time i saw her PALE. and down. somehow with all these we become tougher and our expectant levels of our performance becomes higher too. i srsly dont even dare think of running nowadays cos i feel so lousy bout not being able to reach where my target level was before.

it helps that i was v scared of my bestfriend, and my bestfriend in my entire primary and secondary school life was esther beh. omg. what a chiongster. scared as in she would literally kill anyone who gives shit reasons to be lazy and she hates anyone who mucks around with netball. and ive seen it with gabbeef too! that's why i still run when i was in perth! when i had drey and gabeef and lasspigo ard! drey runs like that mighty yibayibaundehleh undehleh mouse! i swear. she runs like a dude. nono strike that. she OUTruns the dudes! and lasspigo though she's a pig. she's a sailor pig man. how big are her biceps. you dont wanna know. under her siwen face is a runner/swimmer/whalloehs. and gabeeeef. hahahaha. nuff said man. i miss playing touch rug with perthies. boooooooo.


hahahaha. I DONT LIKE MY PIG FORM! so how ):

'This world demands the qualities of youth: not a time of life but a state of mind, a temper of the will, a quality of imagination, a predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the life of ease.' -Robert F Kennedy

so trueeee! he sums it up so well!


then i thought of this! that running the race with God's the same aint it??? like i dont know why it has so many similarities! like the tears agony pain and anger/ sometimes we walk in shame just to have a pinch of what humility and being humble is. and that being up there; damn close to God, isnt just a period/ a week/ a second/ a moment with God, but a state of mind that we
have to constantly strive for as well. it takes the training, the constant faithful sessions of listening, improving our character, praying, waiting, - to eventually come to a point in time where we can perform the brilliance; or a fraction of the great plan that we train to play out because we know our coach knows best! our strengths our weaknesses, our potentials, our limits. Just like how it is with our walk with God, to constantly grow, to constantly stay faithful, obey and walk in accordance to his will, that one day, we'd come to a point in time where we would be able to see the gameplan of our life that God has so cleverly mastermined for us.

training's like that too right? we're in awe of our coach. yet we'd never ever be that level of our coach. though we strive, we obey, we listen, we run, we dive, we sprint, we bear the pain, we bite our pain away because we know we can only get better. i realised that being a christian's really that tough. a predominance of courage of timidity. well said. truly. i say holy are you god, holy is your name. i know you reign in every circumstance, my heart will sing with everything ive got. but hur, how do I not dare boast of your name in my school, in my cafeteria, in my lecture theatres and tute rooms!

there's this story of a plane crash, and there was something particularly puzzling about this crash. they found that although the pilot had announced that all the engines have failed them, the plane had hovered 10secs more than it should have in the sky, then what it should have by right, by mechanics, by the law of whatever. plane dynamics or whatever its called. they found it really strange! so they found the blackbox, and played back the recordings, and they heard this, (and i believe it means that God's the reason that 10 seconds actually happened). in that 10 seconds, a pastor's wife jumped up, right after the pilot made that announcement and preached the gospel, because she knew where she was going when that plane crashed, and she was worried for the others. unbelievable right.

how do i share the reason i live in 10secs. how do i share of the most amazing thing on earth in 10secs. srsly, that was somebody's real life testimony. a guy jumped up and said, that's my wife. that's my wife! srsly. got me rethinking my life man.

and just like how i became so complacent with my fitness, im really scared that the same would happen for me with my walk. i remember when i was 16, telling androooey this. " why cant we stay in church all day! like heaven! all i wanna do is be in the fellowship of his believers and sing holy holy holy God! hozanna in the highest!" and now i find myself even missing church :/ . srsly. the one thing i realised that my walk can quickly become like how i am now in life. how did i stop training. stop playing. stop running. stop jumping, when it was my life for so ever long! i would even jump and touch my ceiling so faithfully everyday cause i believed that would make me grow taller. i needed height. i was a defender. of course i needed my height. i shuttle sprint from my kitchen to my room every time i needed to go from rooms to rooms. i did 300 situps a day. i did pushups/crunches/jumping jacks when i watch tv okaye! i did balancing stuff too to lower my centre of gravity so that i was damn stable on one leg. i never took the lift always sprinting up with my school bag 3 at a time so i'll be damn fast. i was that mad. because i knew i wasnt good enough and in areas i can improve i would! everyweek i need to get better at smth. i always ran to the train station and max it at 5 mins. i maxed my walking home to be 10 mins! my sprint to the schoolgate would take 2 mins, and i was always drenched hahaha! now you see why i run 2.4 like 9-10mins. wth. i didnt steal rubber bands man! and my school used sashes!!!!

my point is, when i reflect on all this, i cant believe my diligence! and it had results, the medals we've won like siao. at carnivals the gold medals. they made us scream so much. beating both of uncle bob's schools. their anger, their disgust. when both his schools pit together to boo us and taunt us and we still won them, it was really just happiness. 3 years in a row. not getting into zonals because we lost st.hildas by 1 ball and because we really just gave up really smashed us. one ball i will forever remember. damn that one ball.

but still; why not with my God too. put in that amount of strife. put in that amount of diligence. put in that amount of precision. put in that amount of strength effort, and focus. To just obey, to just be fair with God. to be so desperate; to want such precision. to put him first, that my whole entire life is centered around him. and when all else fails, when everything crashes. or when its time to go up! i can say, GOD! i have, i HAVE done you proud right abba father? i have put you first, seek you, and know your ways!

i think remembering how my life was so disciplined because i disciplined myself because i wanted that. i wanted that lifestyle. i wanted those goals. i wanted it bad. because netball was my life. every interception, every leap, as long as i sprinted faster, jumped higher, moved faster, balanced more, fought more, every blood, every tear, every single drop of sweat was worth it. for my team, i needed to be fast, quick, ruthless, and fearless. really. you cant be gay, and whine and sit there and complain its too hot too tiring too painful. you need to tune in to your coach and your teammates thoughts. just the same. i am nothing like that in God's kingdom. I just want to be hard on myself again. right now. Im really sorry if it sounded really bitchy. but i was a bitchy person last time so hahaha! I just need to keep it up. because there's so many things to be done, so many things to learn. And i have just been sitting over my cosy little rosy pot. TSK!

CUMMON MANNNDA!


GOD you are my GOD! and i will ever praise you!
and that includes my walk, my thoughts, my meeting and listening, and tuning to you.