im quite scared and sian of going back to sgp suddenly. like the long awaited ONE YEAR MORE has arrived. and crazily, 4 years have already passed! blink of an eye, bomb of a fart. doesnt matter which's worst. i feel terrible about my shite grades. and i wished i could do uni ALL OVER AGAIN. crazy right. why why why. im so scared of becoming an adult, and looking for a job. and quite frankly what the future holds. sgp was my hardcore number one place in the world to be in. it was awesome, until it moved on without me. i have no more seats on the trains, its like the longer ure abroad, the more the world you're so used to rejectes you. the taxi uncles all have passengers, the buses are filled with strange uniforms, strange accents & one billion more the number of irritated people. the streets where i used to shop, are now four levels underground. and where i wanna go, a million other people go too. ive been so isolated in this damn village that has no life. that i cannot tell which is worst.
things have changed. ive changed too. but everyone hates changes.

soapy told me the first year i left; that yessss people change. but true friends will be there at the end of it all. helping you deal with all the changes.

i hate it when i go back and people keep saying i pungseh them. its like nobody knows the whirlwind of emotions and things to deal with that sometimes i rather just shut off and not deal with anything. and when im here in australia, i miss home and my friends so much that i too shut off and not deal with anything. HAHAA. weirdo. i know. but this double identity people always talk about is really getting to me. i feel so old and slow and quiet and antisocial that it actually feels v comfortable!

i feel so irritated. how can this be a good feeling. to have your mind constantly in chaos. i know im sgporean. but i dont belong in sgp anymore. feels like that luh. for now. its too fast too noisy too hot too busy for me. strangely those were everything i love. and everything i hated abt australia, too quiet too lonely too slow and i have nothing to do. is what ive become. WHY LIKE THAT MAN!

am i oxymoronic a schizo or what man!